I know that the guy and his girlfriend at the supermarket saw an annoyed old farang shoving their cart out of the way but what they didn’t see was, that I had only been in the store 6 minutes and had to wait 5 other times because people like to park their cart in the middle of the aisle and forget there are other people in the world.
I waited patiently for the first 2 people to notice that I exist and move their cart, I waited somewhat less patiently for the next 2 people to realize they were not alone on the planet and move their cart. I waited somewhat annoyed for the 5th person to move their cart to the side. By the 6th cart, I waited again, but they did not care or did not notice me and I moved their cart for them. A sin against mankind and marking me a rude farang.
I know it’s considered rude to honk while driving, so when I do honk, I’m “just being rude”. What you don’t see is that in the 5km drive to the gym I have had to swerve and slam on my brakes in order to NOT injure a Thai person on their motorbike 7-10 times. Motorbikes with kids and babies driving the wrong way on the road, swerving in and out of traffic and cutting me off. The only reason they are not scattered all over the road is because I was quick enough to avoid them. Each incident raises my heart rate, scares, and panics me. I really don’t want anyone to get hurt! But getting annoyed by this makes me a bad person.
What you see is someone questioning your billing practices and that is so very rude of me. What you don’t see is that I have been requesting a breakdown of the bill for over a week. You don’t see that I was just wondering why the same thing on one day is one price and double the price on another day. You don’t know that my 10 emails have gone unanswered, my line messages are ignored and I’m beginning to get frustrated. You don’t see that I have been taken advantage of many times, due to my own ignorance, and I am not rich and can’t afford to be taken advantage of all the time.
What you see is a boy that “doesn’t look like he has Autism” and seems fine at school. What you don’t see is that he cries on the walk home, that he has been masking and holding it together all day.
What you see is a boy that doesn’t seem to be bothered by an off hand comment or joking name calling. What you don’t see is that at night he is so dysregulated he paces, stims, stammers, and has down right panic attacks. You don’t see that he has night terrors that look like he’s awake and he walks into my bedroom late at night panicking and crying and saying things like “I don’t want to die!”
What you see is our impatience waiting for the final results of Charles’ QTS. What you don’t see is that Charles has been pursuing this FOR YEARS. You don’t see the 100’s of emails to universities asking about their QTS program go unanswered. You don’t see that the same university will actually give 2 different answers to the same question and when you ask for clarification, the emails go unanswered. You don’t know that QTS help was promised and then taken away. You don’t see that there are certain guidelines that need to be followed, set by the UK government that the universities need to follow, but each of those guidelines are interpreted differently by each university, and no one wants to clarify or answer emails.
I try to be kind. I try to be nice. I try to be friendly. I donate when I can. I feed the little boys that play on my street that don’t have a home and come to me hungry. I save injured animals. I wai and bow in respect for Thai culture. I don’t throw my garbage on the street. I use reusable straws.
I was raised by Latvians that think smiling is a sign of a person's lack of intelligence. I look Eastern European and have resting bitch face and there isn’t much I can do about that, but I am forever being judged for the way I look.
What you see is an old, fat, white lady that seems to be angry all the time. What you don’t see is that I’m tired and scared and overwhelmed trying to do the very best for my Autistic son and family in a world that doesn’t seem to care.
Comments