I give my son 1 hour and 10 minutes in the morning to eat breakfast and get dressed. 50 minutes of that is allotted for eating a small smoothie and 1 scrambled egg. The other 20 minutes are for brushing teeth, getting dressed, and putting on shoes.
We are always rushed, stressed, and late.
I used to give him less time, but we were always rushed, stressed, and late, so I increased the time, and increased the time, and increased the time to where we are now.
If I woke him at 3 and gave him 4.5 hours, we would still be rushed, stressed, and late. My son has an eating disorder. Not technically ARFID, because he does not have a small selection of safe foods. He will eat many things, but he will not eat them in a reasonable amount of time and easily distracted from eating. He also feels hunger cues, but when hungry he only eats just enough to satiate the hunger and then is distracted.
I have not had a meal at home in years that didn’t include me prompting my son to eat at least 100 times. Each time I remind him to stuff his noise hole, he is surprised and jumps and takes 1 small bite. Eating with him is excruciating.
I had always been told, kids will eat when they are hungry, but what if they don’t really feel hunger the way we feel it?
Many years ago, I believed that old saying. So when my son didn’t eat much, I didn’t worry, he would eat when he was hungry. After a while I noticed he was quite thin. One day all the mothers of the kids in the class were measuring chest size for a shirt, all the kids needed matching shirts. They were posting the measurements in a chat group. When I measured my son, I was pretty shocked to see he was the smallest in the class. That prompted me to check his weight and height against the growth charts. He used to be in the 85th percentile, but had dropped to the 5th percentile. At first I started
with, trying to feed him more, adding a few extras, but that wasn’t working. Eventually we consulted a specialist in Bangkok because we were worried about growth hormone issues, but that was tested and not an issue. His blood work came back that he was simply malnourished and anemic. I was horrified. My main job as his mother is to feed him and I was failing. He was started on iron supplements and Pediasure. Pediasure is a powdered milk like drink with extra nutrients, vitamins, and calories. Lately I have added a scoop of protein powder to it as well. I have since found other ways to increase his calorie intake. A morning smoothie with coconut milk, avocado oil, and strawberries. Coconut milk is so fattening! I give him nuts and cheese whenever he will eat it. He loves avocados, but despite Thailand being a great place to grow avocados, it’s so difficult to find a decent one. I’ve given up on avocados.
We used to eat all our meals as a family at the table, but that had become such a source of anxiety around eating, that we don’t eat there anymore.
I try not to lose patience when I have to remind him every 2 minutes, but every morning is the same. I remind him we need to start eating now, don’t wait. I sit with him and remind and remind. I point out what time it is, and I remind. I ask him to please try a little harder, he still has his egg to think about, and remind. We use a timer, but that has no effect on him. No matter what I do he will wait until the last 5 minutes to finish, shoving as much food and smoothie into his mouth in a panic. I’m upset, he’s upset. EVERYDAY.
Then I send him upstairs to brush his teeth and get dressed. I call upstairs and remind him and remind him. Until I’m getting upset and he’s freaked out, he won’t get dressed until the very last second. Now we are late and rushing to school. One of us is usually in tears and I HATE sending him to school like that! What kind of day do I expect him to have with a shitty start like that?
I’m sure some of you are thinking, just let him eat slowly if that’s what he wants.
We have a schedule that is vital to stick to, to get the calories he needs in a day.
8am breakfast
10am snack
12pm lunch
2:30 or 3:30 snack 5:30 dinner
If he takes 2 hours to eat breakfast then he won’t eat a snack and we have missed an opportunity for 200 calories. And he will take 2 hours if he’s not prompted. See the problem?
Some people tell me he looks fine! I’m over reacting. They did not see him in the past. They have no idea. They have no idea how much hard work it has taken on my part and his, to get him to where he is today.
He has not returned to his 85th percentile, but is about 50 now, and that’s better than 5. But I’m exhausted. I have to go through this almost every meal, everyday. The only exception is sushi and steak, but I can’t afford that 3x a day 7x a week. I desperately want him to just eat a meal without all the drama.
Did I tell you I’m trying to teach my son how to use a list? Yes. I’m failing, but I’m trying. I bet you didn’t even know that using a list is a skill. A skill that I cannot seem to teach my son.
My son has Autism, anxiety, possible Tourette's, sensory issues, eating issues, social issues, emotional issues, zero executive function, night terrors, claustrophobia, possibly some OCD tendencies. This week I had to come to the very difficult realization that he’s just not that bright either. I had been led to believe differently, but was told this week that I had been misled. Maybe not misled, but I misunderstood and boy don’t I feel like a dummy. Maybe he gets it from his mother. His father’s side of the family is brilliant. Doctors and academics. FFS he grandfather started college at 14. It’s just my genetics lowering the IQ. I’m so sorry.
This only adds to my overwhelming depression. I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep going. There are so many other problems I can’t even begin to list them all right now. I cry A LOT. Not that anyone cares. Pathetic, yeah, I know.
In other news my cousin passed away a few weeks ago. She was my first friend. She was older than me and I adored her. I used to follow her around like a lost puppy and really annoy her. She had such a kind heart and used to volunteer at cat shelters. We shared a love of cats and horse. I tried to see her last time I was in Seattle, but it was Covid and she was too scared of getting sick. I regret that we didn't get to see her at that time. Miss you Monika.
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