Ren Faire photo by Chris Yetter https://www.cjyphoto.com/browse
I used to be pretty cool. I was even pretty hot by some standards. I puked up all my food and exercised excessively and I was miserable. I was a runner. I ran so much I have given myself crippling shin splints that still bother me.
I had a lot of friends. People wanted to spend time with me. I have a pretty sick and dark sense of humor sometimes and some people liked that.
Since my husband has become a teacher at international schools, I have become a pariah.
Now I’m just my husband's spouse. I have no value anymore. I’m just a fat old lady with a kid. Most other teachers avoid me like the plague. Relax, I don’t want to join your clique. I don’t want to hang out and drink all night, maybe, just maybe, stop treating me like Herpes.
Every morning I walk my son to work, then I go for a walk. I walk around the back of the school. For a while I was seeing one of the teachers out back sneaking a smoke. I tried to say hi. I tried to at least make eye contact and nod. I’ve never seen anyone try so hard to avoid me, which was exceptionally hard since we were the only two people on a deserted street. It was really awkward.
Dude, you work with my husband and you can’t even muster up a nod? Did he think that if he smiled at me, I would try to fuck him? Become his BFF?
Since moving to Asia, meeting new people and making new friends has been incredibly hard. Extra hard because where we live there are very few expats. Even less in their 50’s, that are not creepy old men trying
to meet young girls. Extra hard because I’m 51 and have a young child.
That’s not to say I haven’t made any friends, I have. I have had to work really hard at it, but I haven’t made the kind of great friends I used to have. Some friends have moved away to greener pastures. Most are busy with life.
I find myself longing to be somewhere I am wanted. Back in Seattle with my long time friends and with hobbies and activities I used to love. Back in Latvia with my family and friends, surrounded by the culture and countryside I love.
I have sacrificed so much for my husband’s career and my son’s education. I feel like there should be more to that statement, but there isn’t.
2006 Washington Renaissance Faire 1991 Canterwood Crew
Photo credit Chris Yetter https://www.cjyphoto.com/browse
2004 Canadian National Top 10 Matdusa+ (Zodiac Matador x Wild Eyed Woman)
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